For the past year God has taken me on a deeper journey of confession in my life. I think, before, confession was something I didn’t take very seriously. I knew it was something we should do in the Christian life, obviously, but my dedication to it was never where it needed to be. Perhaps some of you reading this can relate.

What brought me to the realization that I needed to have a deeper life and love for confession is a song that I heard from one of my favorite artists, Andrew Peterson. The lyrics are, as follows:

Have Your Way – Andrew Peterson

Father, hear me now when I am humbled
I fear that I will soon forget
Now I have no strength to stand and stumble
I have no wish to leave you yet

O Holy Father hear me now
When flesh is strong and spirit weak
Please break my back if I won’t bow
Won’t you have your way with me

Father, hear me now when I am humbled
When I am bent with holy shame
All the lies that I believed have crumbled
The blood of Christ my only claim

I can not trust my own designs
My heart is prone to disobey
So listen, Lord, while there is time
Chain me fast if I won’t stay
Take my life and have Your way

Please hear me, Lord, this blessed hour
When sin has loosed its hold on me
Thy mercy is a mighty tower
So why should I not trust in Thee
Father, have Your way with me

—-

A wonderful song. I would encourage you to find it and listen to it. I guarantee you won’t be able to listen to it just once. But there are two distinct lyrics from the song that strike me the most:
Please break my back if I won’t bow
and
Chain me fast if I won’t stay

These brought me into a new and deeper level of a life of confession. God, I struggle with sin. The temptation of it haunts my life every day. Help me to keep me from it. This was the extent of my confession to God. But these lines brought it to another level, asking God that if my choice would be not to bow down to Him, not to draw near and stay close to Him, that He would break my back (humbling since I’ve had two back surgeries in the past couple of years) to have me bow, and chain me fast so that I won’t wander off.

I think many times we fear or we have shame to confess our sins to God. But 1 John is a great reminder of how wonderful our God is: “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

I am still ashamed of my sin. Always will be. But now I find joy in confession, knowing that my Lord hears it, and that He is at work in me, even to the point of breaking my back if I won’t bow. That’s the love of God.